myself, Carolyn and my precious daughter Faith.
Back about 8 years ago, 2001, my husband passed away shortly after our marriage and while I was only a few weeks pregnant. Difficult doesn't begin to explain what that time was like and no explaining could come close. I mourned grievously and somewhere along the time that Faith came into this world I cried out to our Father in Heaven that He help me and teach me so that I may teach my daughter. I was all alone now, isolated by over 600 miles from family, in a town that I didn't know well enough to have any close friends. How was I going to manage? I was afraid, scared, still mourning, and I knew I couldn't do it with out help. All the independence of my past life was gone, I was crushed and without the Father taking me through this I didn't think I stood a chance, so I cried for Him to help me, to lead me, to show me, to protect us and even to feed us. Wow did my life change from that moment on.
The first big change was that first christmas when I got my tree out and decked it with all the silver and gold tinsel I could find, every strand of lights that I had and all the ornaments...it was a sight. I was on my own now just Faith and I and the Father, and I was determined to show all the love I had in that tree. I loved the Father with all my heart and if putting a tree up could show Him then I was going to make sure that tree shined and sparkled to the best of my ability. Then I sat down on the couch with my bible and let it fall open and began to read. It opened to Jeremiah 10.
Jer 10:1 Hear ye the word which YHWH speaketh unto you, O house of Israel:and then I read it again...
Jer 10:2 Thus saith YHWH, Learn not the way of the heathen, and be not dismayed at the signs of heaven; for the heathen are dismayed at them.
Jer 10:3 For the customs of the people are vain: for one cutteth a tree out of the forest, the work of the hands of the workman, with the axe.
Jer 10:4 They deck it with silver and with gold; they fasten it with nails and with hammers, that it move not.
Jer 10:5 They are upright as the palm tree, but speak not: they must needs be borne, because they cannot go. Be not afraid of them; for they cannot do evil, neither also is it in them to do good.
Jer 10:6 Forasmuch as there is none like unto thee, O YHWH; thou art great, and thy name is great in might.
Jer 10:7 Who would not fear thee, O King of nations? for to thee doth it appertain: forasmuch as among all the wise men of the nations, and in all their kingdoms, there is none like unto thee.
Jer 10:8 But they are altogether brutish and foolish: the stock is a doctrine of vanities.
Jer 10:3 For the customs of the people are vain: for one cutteth a tree out of the forest, the work of the hands of the workman, with the axe.
Jer 10:4 They deck it with silver and with gold; they fasten it with nails and with hammers, that it move not.
They cut a tree down, fasten it so that it doesn't fall, and deck it with silver and gold????? and it is foolish and in vain??? And I read it again. How can this be?
Jer 10:5 They are upright as the palm tree, but speak not: they must needs be borne, because they cannot go. Be not afraid of them; for they cannot do evil, neither also is it in them to do good.
That night I spent thinking about any other thing that it could be other than a christmas tree. I couldn't think of anything, can you? Then the next morning I got up and took the tree down, strand by strand, ornament after ornament, wrapped each one and carefully set them in their box...still wondering if this was the right thing to do. But for the moment, all I knew was that Jeremiah sounded like it was referring to a christmas tree...and it didn't sound pleasing to the Father in Heaven.
2Sa 22:45 Strangers shall submit themselves unto me: as soon as they hear, they shall be obedient unto me.
From that day my life changed and has continued to change. All those years of searching for answers. All those years of thinking I had to find the way on my own, and here it was, all I had to do was to know I could NOT do it on my own, and cried out to the Father to show me and He did.
Mat 7:7 Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:
Mat 7:8 For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.
A...ask
S...seek
K...knock
I was asking all my life...so I thought...but there is a difference between asking and being completely dependant on the Father to show the way. I was seeking...but don't remember searching diligently through the Bible. I spent far too much time following traditions and listening to what others told me it said.
2Ti 2:15 Study to shew thyself approved unto YHWH, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.
Col 2:8 Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after the Messiah.
At this time in my life I didn't have anything to depend on, my income wasn't enough to support my daughter and I, let alone pay for the funeral expenses, there was no family to help, no one to come even for a small break, while my daughter screamed out with what the doctor labeled as colic day after day, night after night, hour after hour.
That is when I realized that in all my searching and studying and researching the wrong paths through the years...it was all me, thinking that in my own wisdom and research I could find the answers to understanding what the Father wants. But it doesn't work that way...we know nothing through our own understanding...but by the Spirit only.
Job 32:7 I said, Days should speak, and multitude of years should teach wisdom.
Job 32:8 But there is a spirit in man: and the inspiration of the Almighty giveth them understanding.
Job 32:9 Great men are not always wise: neither do the aged understand judgment.
This may seem to be beating it in a bit...but it is a difference that was life changing and I think few people understand. And I pray that I can enlighten if even a bit to save someone else from having to be brought to their knees as I was through the losses I experienced. If we pray to learn the Father's ways, but we do not step out of the way to learn what He has to say, somehow He will get our attention, if our heart was sincere. Better to learn to listen to Him, and to realize even if we can make our mortgages, and have our family around and all our daily needs met...that we still can NOT make it in this world without Him. That without Him the enemy will come and snatch away that very life we treasured.
So with that said, I ask you to put it on your hearts. How much do we think we are really in control of? Did we earn that pay check? Did we just happen to find that great bargain? Is there really any such thing as good luck? Did we make it home safely on our own accord? Do we really thank the Father that we woke up this morning? Do you realize that there isn't one thing that happens in this life without Him? Realize that, that we have nothing without Him, become that empty vessel...then cry out for Him to fill you...and when He shows you something, show Him your love by acting on it...and He will show you more. :o)
2Ti 2:20 But in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and of silver, but also of wood and of earth; and some to honour, and some to dishonour.
2Ti 2:21 If a man therefore purge himself from these, he shall be a vessel unto honour, sanctified, and meet, [easily used], for the master's use, and prepared unto every good work.
2Ti 2:22 Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, [love], peace, with them that call on YHWH out of a pure heart.
This journal will be a reflection of this journey. It isn't as easy as it sounds...of course there are tests on the path. Obstacles to make us stronger and wiser, moments of weakness and moments of strength, tears of joy and sadness. But I pray you join us on this journey as we learn the ways of the Father in Heaven.
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